Louisa McLane-Seidler, MFT

7 KEY STRATEGIES TO HELP KIDS TALK TO YOU

1. PAY ATTENTION, to the behaviors you engage in when you are emotional, are you a good role model for your teen?

2. LISTEN, to what your teen is trying to tell you, do not judge or talk, just listen, don't interrupt or give opinions unless asked for. Try to understand that in some way the situation they are explaining to you is meaningful and affecting them socially or personally. (See effective communication).

3. WAIT, until they are ready to talk, they may want some time to think about the situation before they can talk about the issue at hand. If you force the issue they may not ask for your time when they are ready. Keep in mind that they will usually ask you to talk when it may be inconvenient to you, take the time it will be worth it, LISTEN.

4. WHEN THEY ARE DONE TALKING, ask how you can help, ask them how they think they should deal with the situation. Give an opinion if they ask, try to give one that will empower them and that they can use in other situations, this will help them improve self esteem and decision making skills.

5. NORMALIZE, the situation if possible, give an example when you may have felt this way in the past and share the HEALTHY coping skills you used to deal with this situation. This is usually their first experience with the situation; let them know it is okay to be confused.

6. COMPLIMENT, your teen on their ability to handle their emotions and different situations, which is a normal part of finding their identity. Let them know you are proud of them.

7. ENCOURAGE, your teen to share difficult emotions with you and be there for them when they need you.